Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I should probably explain.
It wasn't a victim of a grease fire.  It isn't under construction.
It's just not a priority.
Poop is.  Yep, poop.  Pretty much everyone's poop but my own, because let's be real.  With two kids, a dog and a cat...I'm forever on poop patrol.
But, I'm not the only one scouting it out.  The dog is, too.
To him, it's a snack.  I know...stay with me.
I've seen my dog eat my daughter's poop off the family room floor.
Right?  This is what I mean.  Horrifying.  But, this is my life.  That's my new catch phrase, by the way.  It kind of erases the disgusting thing you've just said, even if it was the wrong time and place, when you tack it on the end of a sentence.
You're at a dinner party.  You smell something funny.  Ah, it's upchuck on your shoulder from the baby.  You announce to everyone you've located the source of the rancid aroma.
"I have throw-up on my shirt," you say. "This is my life."
Back to poop....
Background: My two-year-old daughter, Josie, was potty training at the time (not yet long enough ago for my scarred memory to forget it -- now wondering if I EVER will).  She was wearing only a nightgown.  She announced her intention to "poop," but I wasn't fast enough.  She was already going...and it was all over her.  She stepped in it.  Thus, it was all over the carpet.
I raced, gagging, to clean her up in the bathroom, not once thinking of the mess on the floor. Ah, but my dog didn't want me to worry my little head.
He cleaned it up for me, which I discovered to my horror, when exiting the bathroom with my now-clean daughter.
Breakfast was officially over.  Dumped it in the trash.  Not that it was fancy -- just the usual corn muffin.  But there was no going back after seeing something like that.
This was just one, 15-minute snippet of my life.  I have several of these types of snippets every day.
This is why my kitchen is a disaster.
Josie has graduated past pooping on the floor.  Thank God.  My son, Dominic (who's six months) still needs diaper changes, as he should.  
Here are the cute culprits with repulsive habits.

The dog, Rudy, will get sick about once a week from something.  Who knows?  And, the cat that everyone hates but can't seem to get rid of, Oscar, is always ready to come off the bench with a clutch hairball if nobody else had an accident that day.
It's a team effort.  At least we have that.  
So, I look for things that make my life easier.  And, cheaper.
I'm pretty cheap.  And, not lazy, but possibly overbooked?  Does that work? 
I work from home as a writer, squeezing in assignments while the kids sleep or play with bowls of water (my go-to kid distraction).  So, I juggle.  
And, the kitchen comes last.
I need to go find a kid-friendly cleaning product so I can exploit Josie's eagerness to help me. When I find one, I'll let you know.  Such a good mom.


  1. I love you!!! Great first post!

  2. This is so entertaining I think I may get a second job to keep myself out of the house

  3. PS... That post above this post.......... Was from Joe, Lisa's husband.